𓅯｡𖦹° 11.10.26 #d70053 bit my nails down again, a habit I've kicked and returned to for decades of my life. I'll repaint them later tonight. The energy today feels sluggish while internally I'm warding sparks off with my hands. I'd go for a run if I could. I miss the bite of cold air against chapped cheeks. I miss when my body felt unencumbered by the demands of a body. two years ago, c and I met in person for the first when she was in the states. j took a video as we ran to each other. I remember the trees were still full and we walked through a street littered with yellow and red leaves. ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈✴ 11.09.26 #c76c00 Interviewed for a new job today; light from the windows fell in slats across the room. For once, I felt without uncertainty. I walked to the lake afterwards and wanted to get lost down each street, follow all the leaves to their given trees. The light reminded me of my childhood and what I then thought would be my future. What is it to see a memory of what hasn't arrived? Long drives into and out of the city when the light was sparse and burned through shade in flashes until the colors underneath flamed. Stone walkways, trees with wrinkled apples, a pile of leaves raked into the center of a yard. Black branches with yellow flowers, white shuttered windows. Four steps into an entryway. A tree towering over the end of the street. Since October I've been working seventy or so hour weeks and I finally said NO MORE. At first only to myself, then my partner, then my friends. Eventually I will say it to this job, but first, I'm searching. How brutal to be withered and weathered and still not make enough to pay the bills. I'm practicing hope now and planning only the next step. I don't need to memorize a map if I can trust I will know which street to follow, where to turn. At the end is the lake and the light too. When I came home, I laid in bed and thought how time is nothing if not true and a spiral going round and round with a clear ringing sound. ░░░░░░░░░░░░ ✉︎ 11.10.26 ▶ @jakewelch there is something about november that more strongly brings to mind every other november—the thinness of the veil, etc. I think the growing sparseness of sun and leaf strips the days of non-essentials, and in that space memory expands. this time of year feels like the wet underside of a rock (that kind of glittering stone so chilled it feels wet), lifted with cold fingers to reveal worms and rotting leaves...everything feels like another branch on the compost pile. ✉︎ 11.10.26 ▶ @wingy thank you (belatedly) for the cheers on 1000 days of drawing! it was admittedly less of a celebratory day than I had hoped but I was glad to mark it in some small way. ░░░░░░░░░░░░ ✴ say hello * ੈ♡‧₊˚ yourworldoftext.com/~rhizomehaunt/