'`°*•☆ oct 14 1:40pm: the https://tranceparty.net radio's the only thing keeping me awake currently it might be. it plays recordings of most of the sets from seasons 1 and 2 on random rotation. listened thru however much of the tp10 seretide one i caught, now however much left of the tp03 john montoya one. [2:40pm addtn: been on the tp:joker femi one now] definitely need earlier sleep tonight. 9pm: this pushed me into seretide mixes off of soundcloud type of evening. keeps the shysoft-dream friend yearn at bay, keeps the momentum at least mentally somewhat. washed my hair finally, over a while. got to pack lunch for tomorrow... oct 11 3pm: telling myself i gotta rein in my brain about stupid soft feelings stuff but looks i'll need either more clarity, more humbling or Both to be able to pffffff nah but it's all cool. not the only angle i've been getting humbled on. and i prefer being embarrassingly honest/direct about feelings-things... still thinking about whether i'm bothered to catch the event in tallinn tonite... got time til like 5pm to decide. financially could, mentally likely could, physically not sure how much i'm bothered to. (would be emma dj, who ive caught before b2b-ing with torus but this'd be solo, and then a couple of estonian names one of whom i find especially nice) -> didn't bother in the end oct 03 10:30pm: @leaf "nothing can shake your faith in an object more than when a chair fails you 🪑" truest words....... fortunately not had such myself, but my manager once fell thru one of the plastic stools we have at work while she was standing on it stocking something on a high shelf. fortunately remained unscathed, but still scary when a chair fails you like THAT > ps. @/sneek i hope you and your boss are keeping safely seated and not getting too close to there sun 🪽. pfff true.... wonder where they even sell proper but not spenny stackable plastic stools in my town. cos theyre very convy but got one or two more (of like 4-5) that're fragile-looking oct 02 3pm: also: the estonian lastfm mutual was saying to me how during the tallinn evian set my lightup wings were largely the only distinct landmark and how things would've been fully disorienting for her otherwise ahahah sept 28 1am: nvm its quite chill af on my own 4 now tooo.... yet to meet the lfm mutual but hung out at helsinki friend's for a bit after all :-] 4:30am: shortly after i wrote that, i first clocked evian across the centre djdeck + lightingdeck area who mustve clocked me first (lightup winged cap), then the mutual came and said hi - she brought her bestie too, hung out w em for rest of nite, girls nite nice for a change toooooo :-] though did think silly things during evian set slightly. but also fascinated w the atomic strobe color scrollers at points, and at one point a slight intervention aka i pulled someones handbag handle away from leaning into one of the scrollers haha and one of my tartu friends follows the mutual on insta - small small world 2:30pm: after i posted abt the set to my ig story, due to not having ended up meeting directly face to face this time, evian simply replied to it: > oi > wheres my origami swan lmaoooooo the humbling ordeal of being recognized for such (one of my visible post got some origami cranes, and ive menaced plenty ppl w em incl evian) did give him an optional crane geocache quest... but not even a guarantee itll still b there at that tram stop by the time + no guarantee of him even havin the time to entertain the quest, but i didnt have much time myself to think up how n where ahah - there WILL be a next time sept 27 9:30pm: in helsinki, catching evian christ n some others tonight. last i was in this hostel was 1.5 years ago, and shysoft-dream friend was here too to catch the event. same hostel, different dormtype room. he wouldve considered coming to tonights thing too but needs some memories from his june fin trip forgotten first. i don't blame him but - i wish he were here? this feels stupidly cliche to say. but its kinda true. mightnt even manage to link up w/ my helsinki friend (whos not pullin up at the event, and may currently be at a diff one), will see. at least i'll be meeting an estonian lastfm mutual tonight all the same, if they do come n say hi to me w my lightup wings :-p they did ask me if i also went to tallinn evian so they mustve spotted my winged cap there tooo... i guess this log has become silly softfeelings log, temporarily. sept 17 4pm: at work. sleepy https://special.fish/lists/68be10a3ed2964de54e2b668 love this list of lists admitted my soft feelings - got a reassuring appreciative reply (even while they said theyre admittedly terrible at responding to these kinds of things over text - v understandable - but the "but i appreciate the love" warms my heart) :,] maybe taken some edge off this now but now ill just have to find ways to fulfillingly occupy my free time, as not to get usurped in the soft yearn too hard (lol). cos next ill meet the friend irl probs gonna be in a couple of months lmao and who knows then if anything, gotta keep realistic [shy snip] have been having friend by james k on loop from the shop aux (basic speakers nearby the main comp, hidden behind the battery stands) all day today sept 15 9:30pm: "for what ive considered to be dry crush-kindling" fuck sake i dont know what but something mustve lit that on fire a bit. crush-embers. call me bouncy the way i'll ball about this, sometime, no matter what the outcome could/would be. do wanna be stupidly honest/earnest about that directly but i get shy. cool cool cool ok cool ok cool ok cool jul 18 '25 2am: people in my head rentfree embarrassingly soft vaguethoughts for what ive considered to be dry crush-kindling stupid mosquito bites [sniiiiiip] ~~~ don't really know how to fill the rest of this space i got in here. but i don't have to!