talked to my group about how losing my dad has resulted in me seeking external validation and approval, almost like a child. it's interesting because i didn't know that this was happening until i talked about it, or i wasn't aware of it in this way. it's not easy to explain, but losing someone who knows you so well and supports you in a way that can't be replicated . . . it is a difficult adjustment and for some reason i find myself surrounded by people who somehow don't understand that or choose not to. i used to be a workaholic and now i am not, but i am tasked with negotiating my old self and present "self", not internally but externally to people who do not care about me. something has suddenly clicked this week because i am less concerned with the outside approvals and validation. i do not care anymore; if you ask for my opinion i will give it. i'm trying to avoid swinging in the opposite direction and saying/doing things that are reactive in nature, but i also don't know how to care about that right now. i am so bored with the things that i am asked to do, so angry at those who expect me to shrink, so unimpressed and confused, and happy to finally listen to myself. i never wanted approval, really. i wanted and want something else. . 2026 motto is you do you, imma do me 🥰 . . . i love dogs. . my brain hurts. . . . listening to roberta flack after watching waiting to exhale -- one of the worst movies ever made! ❤️