- start: i have no one to share this space with but i'm here [042725] I want to eat a mango and to carve if from its soft pocket turn you inside out and scrape my teeth against the inside of your skin, slippery soft, yielding; The little strands are like whistles, sea grasses they cling like capillaries to the kernel where I cut you away, knife rutting against bone, scraping, And so I render you sweetly: so sweet, too sweet—the sweetness hurts my mouth, glimmers in my throat, lacerates my horizon like a bird of paradise I lie stunned! Your soft shell trickles down my fingertips and I am opened. [040424] (for joseph) I will part the sea for you, walk hand in hand with you through the waves, each one bearing your shadow: full and strong, like a bird caught in flight. The valley of momentum so still I can hear your calloused fingers brushing my lifeline. the bottom of the sea is vast, hollowed forms brimming with blue-black light casting delicate swallow's wing triangles upon your brow bone.. In that unmarked bed of the earth, I will feel the heat and weight of your body pressing down into mine, as close to you as God allowed man, breathing as one we will sleep under the sea and wake up side by side, two lines on the distant horizon they will see me, the ocean, and you, my anchorage. [102521] 从最开始就想和你接近，却没想到你如今会成一位我这么舍不得放过的人。虽然作为朋友才有一个月，但你说话的声音，你对这世界的观点，你坐在我身边的身影，已经自然而然地成了我每周三的期待。 背面是我上课的时候凭记忆画的。你曾经想过我为什么那么喜欢盯着看你没？并不是为了调情或让你心慌……而是想把你眼睛的目光刻在我记忆中。就只是这样而已。 [082921] what I remember of my father’s mother: her gentle voice and the harsh shaanxi dialect that accompanied it, the one that all of her children shared; how she called my father like a little boy and the 我nd especially the 谁吗 that we'd imitate when answering the phone how she favored me because she’d always wanted daughters and i’d sleep on the small hard mattress in her room. how I’d wake up in the dark of midnight to her slight figure standing over me. how she’d watch my sleeping form silently, sometimes fanning me with a 扇子，before adjusting my blanket and shuffling away. that she liked to eat 馍 with 臭豆腐 and I could smell it from across the flat, even long after the meal had ended and the little jar had been screwed shut. that her left arm was paralyzed and we always sat on her right. How I learned from my uncle (her eldest son) to separate the toilet paper two squares at a time and stack it for her to use. That, months later, the tissues I’d made remained untouched on the countertop, too precious to be used. [080721] It was our last evening in San Diego and we were driving back to the room. sam in the drivers seat, matt’s music floating from the speakers, me in the back. We were all pretty tired and I remember thinking that time passes so irreversibly and isn’t that sad? With the windows rolled down I let the wind whip across my skin and felt the fullness in my heart emptying, little by little. I will never be here with you like this again. already I'm forgetting [031021] 1. Impaired judgement 2. unwilling acceptance 3. burning bridges 4. sleep it off 5. cicada's death 6. departure from reality 7. a stranger. [090920] how can i say I love you in a way you understand? [072620] alone in an open room in a place full of other people. where i think of being another person. last night, i watched myself as i walked towards death's welcoming arms. i felt the taste of peace almost, almost to the brim i woke up i was only dreaming. and i did walk that path, but i never reached it. to be stopped while walking i can't go on anymore. i tried for a long time. i really can't. in the end, i was sorry i lived. [041620] I am 19 and soon I will be 20, meaning I will have had lala for nearly 20 years. I once thought I would grow bigger and bigger. Instead, things only become smaller and more distant. The moment I was born the universe flinched away and continued to expand. I will continue to watch things hurtle away from me as I wait until the end [031220] Writing is wanting and I want things I don’t know. I cant write.